I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
