there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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