I'm going to rape someone's good day.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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