He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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