dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
