I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
