with your own penis?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
