I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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