My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
