I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
