Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is her dick bigger than yours?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
