it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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