i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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