is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
