I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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