I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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