She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
