I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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