non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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