Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we're making bets on your personal life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
