A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
