The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
