I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
