i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
