hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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