to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
