we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
