im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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