I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
