This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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