if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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