Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
