Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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