my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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