Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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