Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Apparently you make a good broom.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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