I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
