Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
