Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
