Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
