She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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