Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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