how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
