My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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