she looked like the before picture.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
