It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
