He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
