so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this will be a night to untag.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
