I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
