Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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