its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dick very happy bro
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
