May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
so much tequila, so little girl.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
