I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
