You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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