My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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