Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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