I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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