Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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